If the requested child does not want to come

The day marble was, is listed in the calendar. Marble – so Claudia and Jannick Becker to name your child, the could not stay. Miscarriage in the seventh week of pregnancy. Since then – there are five years of trying, the Couple, everything, so that you will be pregnant again. Claudia and Jannick Becker hot actually different. But because not everyone is from your unfulfilled desire to have children know, don’t you want to publish your real name.

Five years full of hope lie behind them; and full of disappointments, if the period came every month, again and again. “The longer it lasted, the more restless we were,” says the 39-Year-old. Claudia Becker let your hormonal status to examine the thyroid gland to investigate. Also, Jannick Becker was checked through. The result: two healthy people can use without any problems a child. Theoretically.

“At least you already have a child”

Claudia and Jannick Becker are not alone with their unfulfilled desire to have children. According to the Federal Ministry for family Affairs, almost one in every ten Couple between 25 and 59 years old, is in Germany to conceive. There are many reasons, says Georg Griesinger, Director of the University fertility center Lübeck to Manhagen: “often no organic cause is, but women are not because of their age so fruitful.” More and more women get 30 years to have their first child. “Many is not clear that the pregnancy is already an advanced age,” says the specialist in Reproductive medicine. The problems were often a few years later the second child.

As for Claudia Becker. She already has a seven-year-old daughter from his first marriage. Again and again she hears the sentence: “at Least you already have a child.” This makes your desire for a second but not less – certainly not for Jannick, who is not yet a father.

“The unfulfilled longing for a child is often a strain on a relationship,” says the Munich-based couple therapist Heike Melzer. “Many couples choose a child. The Plan is not at the desired time, creates great uncertainty.” The uncertainty bring challenges. “Sexuality is changing,” says Melzer. “Fun pressure.”

This pressure can feel even Claudia Becker. She remembers many evenings when Sex according to the calendar on the program – although the mood was actually more to the movie night. And then the wait. “The negative pregnancy tests felt like many little deaths,” she says.

Also Namiah farmer from Kreuzau, North Rhine-Westphalia has experienced with her husband. The desired third child never came. “I went with my husband a long way,” says the 52-Year-old. “Even though he wanted this child, we were not always a Team.”

Today, what was missing you know. “We had little support and did not know, with whom we could talk about the topic. And we have spoken too little with each other.” So misunderstandings arose – he did not want to let his grief out on you, he seemed disinterested. Today, Namiah Bauer pass on their experiences and works as a desire for children consultant.

“Sometimes you must say goodbye to the couples from the wish child”

Talk to each other – also some therapist Heike Melzer sees it as a key, to come together through the hard time. “Despite vorgeplantem Sex and little romance, you must always remain a loving couple,” she says. It is also important to know exactly how far to go, the Partner is willing. Where is the limit? After the third in vitro fertilization? Or before? You need to find a common line, could go the way better together. It is also important to speak not only with partners but also with other persons of trust.

As a person of trust also Namiah Bauer. “My task is not only to accompany couples on their way to a planned child, but to also be there for you when you need to say.” Since then, the key is to find a meaning in life, to discover new sides of themselves.

However, not all couples can cope with the parting from the desire of a child due to distraction. “In some cases, deep depression caused by one of the two partners,” says Reproductive medicine, Georg Griesinger. “We see it as our task to recognize the with the help of long conversations and then even psychologists turn it on.”

Depression Claudia and Jannick Becker are far away. As far, however, the readiness, their desire for a second child to let go of. The next step is the artificial insemination is. The decision was made together – as a Team. They hope still to be able to eventually have a birthday on the calendar.